I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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