I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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