i just identified you from a description of your pipe
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
