it wasn't lemon gatorade
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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