she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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