some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Even my vagina gasped.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
