Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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