Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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