my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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