New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
