i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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