i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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