Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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