I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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