I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
