So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
A+ Viking dick
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
