you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
