I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
