I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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