Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
