nut hugger
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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