evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
