Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
