My nipple is on Facebook.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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