oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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