just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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