I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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