If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
