If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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