The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
