My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
