thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
