so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
