I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
