first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
