i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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