I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize