I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
