I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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