i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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