I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
