Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
