last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
