why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
