Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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