I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
