just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
40s are totally the cure
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
