if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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