Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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