i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
