Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
