There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
