He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this boner is exhausting
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
