Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
