My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
