just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
