Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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