i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
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My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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