So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think I won the penis lottery.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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