Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
