Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Two words: nipple clamps
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