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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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