Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
