I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
