Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize