I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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